We’ve really been enjoying the comments that folks have left here. In fact, a couple of your comments have sparked some of our more recent posts. For example, when we put up the “Our First Clue” essay last week, a reader used the term “nepotism” in a remark, and although it should have been obvious to us that “nepotism” was indeed what Pastor Smith was engaging in at Living Word Church (again, for the record, all pseudonyms), we’d never quite connected that pejorative term with Smith’s practice of ensconcing his sons in church staff positions.
So readers’ comments have served to stimulate our own thinking and analysis.
As I was reading what some of you had to say about “Hard Question #4,” I found myself posting a comment of my own that expands upon what bothers us about nepotism in the church. Rather than let it languish in the comments section, I figured I’d post it here for all to see, and maybe more of you would tell us what you think:
My sister and I were having an interesting discussion the other day, about how when you throw money (and a life of material ease) into the mix, it really does confuse things. It’s quite possible that one or both of Smith’s sons really ARE “anointed” for the ministry. But I just have to wonder how much of that “stirring in their hearts” would have been totally different if their parents had been struggling poor people. I mean, how honest are ANY of us about the true, deep motivations of our hearts?
It kind of reminds me of…like…if a young lady would be faced with marriage proposals from 2 different guys, both equally spiritual, kind, and talented…she has feelings for both of them…but one is very wealthy, while the other is poor. How easy would it be for her to convince herself that she is more “in love” with the rich guy? And how would she ever truly know her motivations?
I think a similar thing happens when sons of Charismatic pastors feel “called” to the ministry. How much of that “heart’s desire” comes from the fact that the ministry is familiar and comfortable? How much of it is because they want to please Mom and Dad? How much of it is because it’s the path of least resistance? How much of it is due to money?
It’s not that God can’t still “call” someone in the midst of all of that. I’m just saying that it sure makes it more confusing.
Especially because, as Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked.”
If a Charismatic pastor is faced with a child who wants to follow him into the ministry, it seems like the wise thing to do would be to encourage him to take the same path as someone whose father was NOT in the ministry. Go to seminary, make connections, hook up with an organization for ordination, and pursue a pastoral position (with a NORMAL salary) NOT associated with the family.
The fact that most Charismatic families don’t do that…well, to me, it says something highly significant about their true motivation. Or at least their wisdom.
I can only say, that if I had a true, thriving ministry that adhered to His Word, and my children wished to be a part of it,” are ya listening kids?”, it would bring me more joy than all of the riches, treasures, or titles in the earth. Joyce M., for instance, has her own minstry named after her, and so she has the right to make sure her kids further what she bagan, for better or worse.
That being said, I would have to make sure they have “earned”, the right to be there. I don’t believe annointing comes through osmosis, otherwise they’d be no need for anyone to aspire to do anything in Gods name. In my opinion, those who truly understand are those who have been through much, who read, learn, and study much, who care and love much, who forgive and empathize much without judgement, and who love and put God first and foremost in their lives above all things. That, my friend, takes time. Just because we want to keep our own legacy going, doesn’t mean we need to put “Jr” on the pulpit merely for our vicarious enjoyment, after all, to whom should the glory go to?
Dr. B. Graham, for instance, has his son follow in a similar format as he has, but he (son) did go through his rebellious time first, he learned the hard way, and he waited for the appropriate time to come forth.
Years ago I became aware of nepotism and favoritism in church, and it broke my heart as well as divided the church. For one person to have sole dominion and power is always dangerous and can become usurping, volatile, and unhealthy. As in all things, there needs to be balance, and if you can’t see the forest for the trees, then you need to bring in some new forest rangers, is all Im saying…with love of course,, :))yoli
I don’t think appointing family members to positions within the church is a bad thing if the family member is the most qualified person for the job. These qualifications are not to be met by some vacuous mandate from God either. The Bible states very clearly the requirements for church leadership positions in 1 Timothy. While no one has perfectly met all the requirements they should still be taken into careful consideration when appointing leaders within the church.
To put this more practically, I look at these situations the same way I look at a business. If a manager does not choose the person most qualified for the position, the company suffers, the co-workers suffer, and the customers suffer due to the lack of proven experience within the new employee. Novice employees often crack or make grievous mistakes when placed under unexpected pressure. How much more then should we appoint mature spiritual leaders? I believe the same general principles apply on an even grander scale in ministry because we are no longer speaking of a person’s physical security, but rather their spiritual well-being. The spiritual growth of a person is far more important, therefore the responsibility to facilitate that growth is exponentially greater. Thus, leadership should be chosen soberly and prayerfully with the spiritual maturation of the congregation in mind.
Therein lies the rub dear AJS, you and I for instance, agree that a leader in any position should be there because of his or her qulifications, reguradless. However, in cases of nepottism and favoritism, the masses are not generally given the option to choose whom to place in leadership, obviously because the one in control is in the unique (high) postion and therefor usurps it (the position) and despotically manipulates the outcome. One as a member of the congregation has the option to complain, to leave, or to stay, keep quiet, and accept the situation. The quandry then falls to those upon whom the injustice is being done to, and what response will THEY make and what stance will THEY take??
When we come to the realization that this land is a battlefield, and we are constantly watching or waring, good against evil, and that we all must be alert, and take a stance to defend God, His Word, and His will no matter what it takes, then we can be of service to and for each other, and keep vigilante. Let us not give attention or time, or money, or creedance to anything or anyone who deters from Gods pure word. If we feel there is injustice done in a church or work, speak up, don’t be afraid, only arm yourselves with the full armor of God and His spirit sword, and His love, and ask for Him to give you the tongue to speak words in season to those who are weary. With Him and by Him we can do all things, so lets march on Christian soldiers. Amen..
while that sounds great, that’s easier said than done… within a lot of these charismatic circles the leadership is so surrounded with yes-men, that they purposefully find ways to ignore your concerns if you even find a venue that seems like a reasonable one for voicing injustices. is it even worth it to fight if your fight is ignored? sometimes it’s just best to step out quietly and go about your way
TKP, unfortunately, I think you’re right about the stepping out quietly. When we left a place like that, we had tried to quietly voice biblical concerns. They belittle you and manipulate you into either shutting your mouth or leaving. It’s a pretty sick system. I actually remember the pastor at this place lambasting my husband because he dared to get his dad’s opinion on the stuff that was going on. That’s when we said, “adios”.
Nothing in the bible EVER done worth noting, was easy. That is why His love, which is His word, is to be longsuffering and patient. However, there are some battles in which as you stated Ms K. and TKP, where we have done our best to inform and instruct in love, and everything we say goes to deaf ears, so then we dust our feet, pray for them, SEEK deligently the path He has for OUR personal destiny. Thus, we have tried to correct in love that which we believed to be harmful to the church body, which God intructs us to do, then we removed ourselves from the place we were ignored, (as Jesus did when he left his town and no one listened), prayed for them, then left it in Gods hands, and then pray for His new direction for us. All things outlined are within His word and per His instructions, so in every way we have followed His will.
My point is we can never change other peoples way of thinking to match our own( thankfully), so it is within OUR responses and choices to what ever others do around us that ultimately matters in our lives and in Gods life for us, thus our free will. Hence I say again, daily we make choices and decisions in every part of our lives, so, will we choose to take everything done to us, or do we stand up for God’s true way which is to live for Him by loving Him first, then ourselves and each other?.Let no man ever take away our choice to love our God freely and how HE sees fit in our lives…amen
Yoli, 6 or 8 months ago, I would have totally agreed with you. We’d actually given a great deal of thought to how we could effect change at Living Word.
At one point, when I was asked my opinion about some things going on in the ladies’ ministry, I put HOURS of prayer and thought into my email response to the lady who had ASKED me for feedback. But mysteriously, I never heard another word about it.
Even after we left, I continued to believe that at heart, Pastor Smith was completely sincere and honorable. All of the “stuff” going on with the nepotism, the obsession with money, etc., was simply because he either didn’t know any better, or he wasn’t aware that it was going on.
But then one day, my sister pointed out something interesting that made me look at Pastor Smith and Living Word in a whole different way. She mentioned how, if you went to Living Word’s website, you would sure get a different impression of the place than if you actually went there for any length of time. The website – very slickly done – portrays Living Word as having small group Bible studies, a very active women’s ministry, and a host of “missions” programs.
And that’s when it hit me: Pastor Smith knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. He is fully aware that his church is not “normal.” Otherwise, why would he have had his web designers emphasize ministries that barely exist or function?
(And if you think that Pastor Smith had nothing to do with the website design, think again. Smith controlled EVERYTHING that went out about Living Word.)
In other words, somebody at Living Word KNOWS what a “normal” church is supposed to look like, and they want to portray Living Word as being normal. Yet, it’s not normal. So they are aware that it’s not normal.
And if they’re aware, then there’s NOTHING that WE could say to cause them to change.
I’m also now firmly of the conviction that Pastor Smith LIKES things just as they are. When I finally set aside my preconceived notions – that Smith was “super spiritual” and truly concerned about his people’s well-being above all – and just looked at the reality, I saw the truth. Smith is living a very good life. And now, so are his kids. He’s got quite a flock of loyal followers who are happy to cheer for him and give him standing ovations. He gets to minister out of a gorgeous facility that is paid for by the people. Yet he gets to make ALL the decisions. He gets to see himself as an “anointed man of God.” He thinks he talks to God…or at least, he’s very good at making his people think that he does. He’s accountable to no one. And he gets to make the occasional appearance on TBN and play with the “big dogs,” inviting celebrity preachers to his church.
Why would he want to risk any of that by actually implementing changes that would be more considerate of his people? Right now, the way things are, Living Word works. For him.
I should add…I do believe, Yoli, that God can do anything. In fact, it is only the Lord Who can change someone’s heart. If the Lord were to move in Pastor Smith’s life and cause him to see things differently, then of course, everything WOULD change.
But I have to agree with TKP, that I think it’s better to just leave quietly, without confrontation. Especially when you are pretty sure the church leadership (in our case, Smith) is aware of the stuff that’s not right.
Plus, how would one even go about confronting someone like Pastor Smith? Before we left, he made it very clear (he stated from the pulpit MANY times) that he does NOT meet with people who “just want to debate theology.” Moreover, he also made it clear that he has too much going on to be bothered by people who just want to complain. He did a whole sermon series about the eagle, and one of the themes of that series was that eagles hang out in the “high places,” away from the chickens and the squawkers. He actually did a very comedic little riff of all the “squawkers” who come to him to complain…his riff was complete with Smith mocking the squawkers’ screechy voices. The audience laughed. It was humorous. But Smith’s point is now obvious to me – there is NO room anywhere at that place for anyone who might have something “negative” to say.
Yes Charismania, I agree as well, there are times we can do nothing, but when God asks me if I did my part to try to change it because I knew better, I can tell HIM, yes sir, I did, as He will know my heart. We are responsible to try to make a change, thats why you have this blog, and we meekly insert our thoughts, because we are trying to make a difference. I do believe God does make the difference in all things if we let HIM, but I also agree that at some point what we say are just words fall to the ground, so I stop speaking and move on. Christ has asked us not to give pearls to swine, put it into any context and it is truth, so then is when we leave, dust off our shoes, and pray for all involved.
Before we left our own ‘living word’, we stayed and stayed and prayed and prayed. Finally, we got up the nerve to speak the truth in love and in private to the pastors. We went about it with, “we think you should know…”
The next service message was a warning to the congregation about ‘wolves’ coming in to steal the sheep.
Guess who the wolves were? No, they didn’t call our names from the pulpit, but we knew. She (mrs pastor) actually used examples from the conversation we’d had with them. She MEANT for us to get the message.
That was the end for us. We tried to help.
We were honest in our hearts before God.
You can’t change people who are exercising their free will. We could not stay in leadership, on the front row, nodding and amening, when we knew in our hearts that they were calculating every move. It wasn’t just that they were mislead or deluded. They KNEW what they were doing.
Exactly,, my point, we can’t change others, but we can act accordingly to what others do and say, and then it be known to others to perhaps, beware! That is ALL we can do in some instances, it will be hard, and it will break our hearts, but think of those that have been martyred, and continue to be, ONLY, because they believe in the LORD, my discomfort and heartache is nothing in comparision. Ultimatly, we need to remind each other that trying to please man is in vain for man can not give us our salvation, but living for HIM who gives salvation is the true way. That is my goal in this earth and evermore. The fact that people know they are doing wrong is even more disturbing and hurtful, but it is a fact that shall be among us, always, till Gods time of reign is at hand. Till then, we can pray, and be vigilant, and be discerning, and encouraging and a source of inspiration for one another, In His name.
One more point, Questioning or bringing “things” to light is twofold: 1) It brings one closer, or further away from your personal point of reference, or belief system which you desire to be a part of. If you get information about the church or organization you belong to you did not like, then you have the option to take an appropriate new stance, then either discuss and try to figure out a solution, or change direction or (exit). 2). You have also learned things that you were not aware of, and the new revelation has set you free from something that perhaps did not sit well with you, and now the truth has enabled you to further understand and make the change needed.
From the bottom of my heart I understand the pain and humiliation, and heartache it causes when we undertake the task of questioning authority, in any capacity. I have done it so many times, not because I am a rebel at heart, I love to love, and wish things were all peaceful and pretty, but Ive had to learn to put on that armor and to arm myself with HIS sword, because there is just too much pain and injustice in this world that I could not just stand idly by and do nothing. I feel so feeble, so alone, so misunderstood, more often than not. I have the remaining siblings in my natural life thinking Im a nut, but then I remember how God allowed David the annointing to kill Goliath, and I think of the MANY other stories of beloved family in Chirst and how through His mercy and love they were able to follow through with their mission.So I too, in love, try to do my part to help others, and for no other reason than to please my LORD. thanks for listening and responding,,,it teaches me …………shalom and joy……yo
LMR –
Your comment fascinates me, because a few years ago, Pastor Smith preached that identical sermon, about “wolves” among the sheep. At that time, we were still in the throes of our absolute love and adoration for Living Word. We really thought we’d found the perfect church.
So it was an odd thing, to listen to Smith rant about the wolves. I think he called them snakes, too. I remember sitting there and feeling so conflicted, because my whole brain was geared to accept everything Pastor Smith said. And yet, I sensed so strongly that he was being really WEIRD about the whole “wolves” thing. There was such anger right below the surface.
All it did was make me wonder what could possibly have made him so mad.
To make things worse, we had out-of-town visitors with us, folks who totally weren’t used to that sort of preaching. I just CRINGED when Pastor Smith came running off the platform during one of his rants (he was a very boistrous, dramatic preacher, which during the good times, made him highly entertaining). He ran off the platform and sort of stepped up halfway onto the first pew. He made a strangling gesture with his hands, and then he shouted, “I just crushed the head of the serpent!!!”
I have to say, that was probably one of the very first things about Living Word that really made me question the place. There had been more subtle clues all along, but that particular sermon (to use the term loosely…it was really more of an angry diatribe) caused me to seriously wonder about Pastor Smith.
That “sermon” also caused us to look around the audience with suspicion, wondering who the wolves were. It made us glad that we knew we weren’t the wolves. And, come to think of it, that “sermon” also set the tone for what happens to people who get on Pastor Smith’s bad side.
No wonder most people didn’t dare confront Smith about anything!
Rejoice! For when we know the truth, IT shall set us free…amen…..
How sad. This must be a universal thing. I’ve been the wolf, the snake, the divider, rebellous, but the most hurtful and hateful of all, being labeled as a witch. Well as they put it “some of you are particing witchcraft, you’re trying to come against the leadership”! All because you question some things that just don’t look or sound right. Like mentioning that it may not be appropriate for the first lady (correction co-pastor)to count the offering, work as the secretary, control all church finances, write checks, bookkeeping and make bank deposits. The sad part about it, many of the members had expressed concerns over that. I thought I was giving leadership some helpful insite. Maybe ethical advice that they hadn’t thought of. Shortly after, the sermons that I once heard being directed towards other members were directed at me. After awhile, you get tired of being bashed. It got so bad that my stomach would literally twist into knots whenever I pulled in the parking lot.
Wow, overcomer…
So your “First Lady” counted the offering? That’s incredible.
Yet come to think of it, Pastor Smith’s younger son is the “CFO” of Living Word. Yes, that is actually one of his many titles. He’s Worship Leader, Youth Pastor, and CFO.
It’s difficult to fathom how these churches reach the point where there is little to no financial accountability. That’s one of the things that finally made us come to the realization that Living Word was less a “church” and more of a “family business”…and that Pastor Smith and company absolutely wanted to keep it that way.
Sorry you went thru that overcomer, wish I could have been there for you, but I’ll pray now :))God be with you..
Yoli I truly wish you could have been there:) and thank you for praying for me. You know what’s so funny is sometimes when I see old members in the store, they look away. Where is the christian love! I guess it’s to be expected when the message is “break away from those who distract from the vision”. I just pray that God will remove the spiritual blinders off of His people. And yes Charismania, she handles all the finances, but at the same time, she gets offended when some of the members (who really want to leave but are in bondage) frown on the gucci bags and the brand new outfits every Sunday. I think Pastors should live comfortably, but also have accountability.
Oh unbelievable, overcomer! The SAME thing happened to us when we left. People we’d worked alongside for YEARS acted like they didn’t see us or know us in public. Where’s the love?
Not only did our former pastors have full control of the finances, because “it became abundantly clear that they could no longer use the accounting firm” ???? but, they looked at everyone’s giving. It was said from the pulpit many times by the wife of course, ‘you don’t want to get on the non tithers list.’ Apparently because that was the hit list of the pastor. And no one wanted to fall out of favor with ‘pastor’.
They calculated what your salary must be by your tithe. Sitting here typing this I CANNOT believe we fell for that mess as long as we did.
“You trust your pastor don’t you? If you trust your pastor, you don’t need a deacon board.”
“The shepherd isn’t accountable to the sheep.”
was another line they used.
Yes, but you know what? He’s accountable to the Chief GREAT Shepherd for all the sheep he sheared and devoured (Ezekiel 34).
God, thank you for setting us free from that!!!!
“Non tither’s list” …. How inappropriate is that? There is a church here where I live that actually has on their website a statement saying that in order to become active in any church ministry, one has to be a consistent tither. The only way to enforce this rule is to compare W2’s or tax returns to giving records. – I thought your giving was between you and God – period and my tax return is not the church’s business.
This is just an example of how things get out of hand and people just follow along. This church has 7000 members and growing.
I would encourage everyone to read Russell Kelley’s document “Should the Church teach tithing”
http://www.shouldthechurchteachtithing.com/
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I know that every verse and chapters in the bible are important.and also teaching about tith is important ,if not it means that we are not following what God want but we are creating our own bible
I would like to encourage everyone that from the book of genesis to revelation are important to us,let us not live according to standard of this wolrd but seek the kingdom of God.
Keep it in the family is speaks vast questions of accountability. Many great families of God say they have been called to ministry. This maybe true. But what it does to most is to see it as an old boy network with your old school tie and contacts that get you the job. But which church you went to any who your family and friends are.
People argue they trust family more. Many preachers have had their accountability structures scrutinised by governments due to Nepotism. Not great evangelism.
I feel for the many talented Christians that don’t have the contacts so struggle to get jobs they would be great at, because I have seen more Nepotism in some church circles than any other institution.